


So Wrap Your Arms Around Me (and Leave me on my own)

by Emaisnialleraf



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 03, References to Depression, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Suicidal Thoughts, Team mentioned - Freeform, Writing doodle, i always do this to buck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:21:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emaisnialleraf/pseuds/Emaisnialleraf
Summary: Being lonely and being alone are two different things.Check on your friends.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	So Wrap Your Arms Around Me (and Leave me on my own)

**Author's Note:**

> quick framework of an idea; nothing detailed. Feel free to take the idea and run with it.

As Buck sat against the wall he tried calming the viscous trembling in his hands, blue eyes targeting the motion with a plea for the anxiety to go away. Everything around him was overwhelming and originally he was made to just take a walk and calm down, however now, against this bridge his mind had gotten away from him.  
His walk had been tiring, his limbs were exhausted and this overpass was over the busy roads which immediately caught his eye. He came to a stop, sat against the sidewalk and watched each car drive by until his hands began to ache under the pressure.  
There was a small part of him that knew this wasn’t safe, he could tell by the eyes of the people walking past with tight grips on their cellphones. However, the other piece of him was almost excited, buzzing with excitement as he listened to the vehicles racing past below his feet.  
All it would take was one jump and it was easier than the razors at the city stores or the pills in his medicine cabinets. Just stand up, turn around, and let himself fall until the agony of living was finally over. There was no chance of survival, not only would he hit the ground, but the cars had no chance of stopping that fast and within seconds his heart would halt to a stop.  
The judgment, the chaos, the buzzing under his skin would no longer sit in his mind and remind him of how much of a waste of space he was.

Over the past few weeks his life had gone downhill faster than he could think to control. Maddie and Chimney had moved into a house of their own, pregnant and happy and he had no right stepping in the middle of that. Eddie had begun courting Christophers teacher, Bobby and Athena had a college freshman in their hands and Hen had foster kids in and out like it was nobody's business. After the situation with Red he knew it was only a matter of time before he was left behind and he didn’t blame them, he never could, but he just hoped that maybe he was important enough to be helped along.  
Regardless, here he was, on a friday night with no plans because no one needed him anymore. Bobby had given him two days off, Eddie denied him a night out because his girlfriend was coming over, and even his sister said she just wanted a night alone with Chimney before the pregnancy got difficult. He even tried Hen, but the screaming on the other end of the phone had him apologizing before grabbing his shoes and walking out the door. They just had no time for him anymore.

Shoving his hands into his pocket he cursed at the tingling across his skin. The clear signs of his breath growing heavy and fingers growing stuck were all pointing toward another anxiety attack and he had no time for that. Sitting here alone was heartbreaking enough, but his heart still grew faster and his vision grew blurry.  
The pressure from his lungs were heavy and clogged his throat with sobs, forcing his limbs to tug deeper as a shadow fell to rest in front of him.  
“Sir? Are you alright?”  
Looking up he could barely see the figure, but a hand fell on his knee before he had the chance to shake his head.  
“Do you need me to call anyone?”  
This time he was able to do so, head bobbing as he tried desperately to motion toward the phone in his pocket.  
“Okay, where is your phone? Your pocket?”  
The hand was gentle as it reached, pulling out the cell and unlocking it with a quick swipe.  
“Who do you need me to call?”  
The words froze him into place, eyes widening as the first sob burst past his tongue. Everything came into place and he threw himself limp as he realized no one would be coming.  
“Hey- what's wrong?”  
Another hand fell on his shoulder, trying to catch his attention before the phone dropped to the pavement.  
“Who do you need me to call, son?” 

He doesn’t know how long he sat there, but the man was gone and the sun had fully disappeared from the sky. Everything was still fuzzy and his eyes burned against the wind now aiming itself at his face. Shivering he reached for the phone, barely able to move his fingers as he pulled up his camera and aimed the lens down.  
Exhaustion was pouring from him in waves and at this point he didn’t have the will to try any longer. So, he hit the record button, dropped the phone and sobbed out a lame excuse to try and cover all the pain he had caused the last few years. 

By the time he was over the ledge no one around him was trying to help anymore. He scrubbed his sleeve across his eyes, scraping away the tears before looking down longingly at the headlights below

**Author's Note:**

> 1-800-273-8255


End file.
